


If I'm So Wrong, How Can You Listen All Night long?

by CharredLips



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Angst and Feels, M/M, Mutual Pining, Not Actually Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-19
Updated: 2020-11-19
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:20:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,527
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27625976
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharredLips/pseuds/CharredLips
Summary: An unwelcome interview question leads to a confrontation. Does the truth really set them free, or does it only make it more painful?
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way
Comments: 16
Kudos: 23





	If I'm So Wrong, How Can You Listen All Night long?

**Author's Note:**

> This has not been Betaed (I don't have someone to do it) and I am still brand new at writing, so I greatly appreciate constructive criticism or any advice/thoughts on my stories. I hope it's not too terrible.

Frank is anxious. The fact that he's got several cameras on him, while two overly chipper (and painfully fake) music show hosts interview him, might seem like a perfect explanation. But that's not it. Not really. He's done this a million times before. He could do it in his sleep, and he practically has; late night shows (and after show exploits) and early morning press are not a great mix. And he even has Gerard with him. Gerard always knows what to say in interviews. Frank always loves watching him passionately explain his amazing vision. Frank could watch Gerard talk about anything, for hours, and always be enthralled. Well... almost anything.   
  
And that leads back into why Frank is bouncing his leg uncontrollably and trying to fight the gnawing in the pit of his stomach. He knows how these interviews tend to go lately. But he tries to ignore the sense of dread and stay focused on the interview.  
  
\---- "Yeah, It's always scary having to scrap something you've worked so hard on and start all over" Gerard answers, "But it's kind of exciting too. Y'know? We decided not to let anything box us in. We were trying too hard to not do one thing that we ended up going too far in the other direction. Art with limitations isn't authentic. When we realized that, we knew we had to start over. It was the right choice 100%. It feels good to just create. We just poured ourselves out into the music and we added whatever felt right. And who cares what genre it is? I've always hated labels anyway. Danger Days is My Chemical Romance. That's all you need to know."  
  
Frank can't help but just smile and nod in agreement. There's certainly nothing he could add that would enhance what Gerard has said already.   
  
It always blows him away when Gerard commands an interview with such confidence. It's astounding to Frank how Gerard can be so fearless in his art, how he can put something out and just say "This is what we made. We love it. You should too, but if not, your loss". 

He shouldn't be surprised anymore, though; he gets to see this side of Gerard almost every time they give an interview. He supposes the reason it seems so surreal to him is that he gets to see the other side of Gerard too. The one who withdraws into himself for hours, days, even weeks at a time. The one who doubts himself and apologizes just for existing. The one who's so afraid of people truly knowing him. The one who will do anything to stay hidden.   
  
Frank loves both sides, but he wished Gerard could see himself the way others do. The way Frank does. It's a spectacular sight. 

Just as Gerard's last answer had started to make Frank forget his uneasy feelings for a moment, the question Frank was dreading was dropped, like a bomb. -- "So, Gerard, you're married now. How has that changed things for you?" --  
  
The sinking feeling that washed over Frank was delayed, for a moment, by a surge of anger. These interviewers were so unoriginal. And not only had they been asked this question several times already, it wasn't even relevant to their music the first time. 'Who cares about what changed since Gerard got shackled by a fame-grabbing con woman? They only dated for 2 months, I've had longer colds. What are these parasites expecting to hear?' Frank's thoughts are very vocal.

Before Frank could get all the way worked up, Gerard was answering. Frank knew he shouldn't even listen, but of course, he just couldn't stop himself. That was a mistake. 

"It's changed a lot, and hardly at all, at the same time, if that makes sense." Gerard says, waving his hand aimlessly as if that helps get the point across. "Like, I am still me, and everything is still mostly the same, but now I found someone that cares about me. I just allowed myself to be happy, finally. It feels good." Gerard said. 

Oddly enough, he said it with less conviction than he spoke about their album in the previous question, but the interviewers don't seem to notice that, and they eat it up. 

Frank is far too upset to notice the tone difference, either. All he heard was the words. And the words he heard made him sick. Actually sick. He felt like he was going to vomit. He really needed for the interview to end so he could get to the nearest bathroom, or closet - anywhere he could calm down and not be seen - in case he actually cried and threw up like he felt he was going to.   
  
Thankfully, that was the last real question, so after a minute of reiterating the release date for their album and plugging their dot com links, the interview ends. Frank can't leave fast enough. Frank knows all too well that Gerard can always read him. He is in no state to actually deal with that, so he simply tries to get away and get to somewhere Gerard can't see him.   
  
He's practically running, eyes blurry with tears. His movements are all abrupt. Frank is always like that - chaotic - but this is different. A lot of people who know Frank might confuse the way he is thrashing about to just be his pent up energy. But there's people who know him and then there is people that _know_ him. Gerard knows Frank. Better than almost anyone. Frank could never fool him.

"Frankie, wait up!" Gerard calls out, as he's already half jogging to catch Frank. They're in the back of the studio somewhere, a hallway or something. Wherever it is, it seems Frank found the spot that is empty of fake TV hosts and crew, at least, but the one person he really needed to get away from still found him. _'Fuck my life'_ Frank thinks.

"Frankie, what's going on? Are you okay?"   
  
Frank knows he can't lie to Gerard. Not convincingly, but he tries anyway. "I'm fine. I just really need to piss. I need to find a bathroom." His voice is far to shaky, with too much venom in it for Gerard to believe that.  
  
"Frank, that's not it. You don't look okay? Are you sick? Why would you keep that from me? Just let me help"

Frank scoffs then. "Am I sick? Yes, Gee, I'm fucking sick. How could I not be after listening to that shit?" Frank says, as he uses every ounce of strength he has to keep the tears clouding his eyes from spilling out.   
  
Gerard looks confused. He just stares at Frank, for a moment, with his mouth half open and his big hazel eyes, looking like a kicked puppy. Frank hates that he still finds it adorable. "I-uh, What?" Gerard starts. He appears really taken back, as if he didn't even realize he just shit on 6 years of their relationship.   
  
"You mean the question about Lynz? I'm sorry, Frankie. I don't know why they still ask about that. I didn't realize it was still such a sore spot. I'll try to set a rule for it to not be asked again, okay?" Gerard says. 

He looks genuine, like he really feels bad that Frank is upset. But Frank is just pissed that he still isn't understanding the problem. 

"Do you really not get it, Gee? The question sucks, but those cookie cutter interviewers aren't what upset me. You admitting that you were never happy with me might have something to do with it. Did you not even consider that?"

Gerard looks really shocked then. "Frank, come on, that's not what I said. I only said I am happy now. I didn't mean anything by it." Gerard says, starting to look sorry and kind of nervous. He knows Frank isn't going to just let this go. And as much as Gerard wants to be forgiven, he isn't sure he even deserves it. 

"That's great that you're happy _now_. That makes one of us." Frank says. "But I guess that's all It's ever been, since you were always so unhappy with me." Franks voice cracks as he says it. He was trying so hard to sound cold, but he just sounded defeated.   
  
"Frankie, please. Don't twist my words into something hurtful. Of course I didn't mean that I wasn't happy with you. You can't really believe that?" Frank wants to get mad at the question, but Gerard doesn't sound defensive, he sounds pleading. Frank hates that he doesn't hate him. That doesn't mean he's done being upset, though.   
  
"That is what you meant and it's not just your words that told me so. If you were happy with me you never would have chosen her in the first place." _Fuck_. He shouldn't have said that. He needs to just walk away. So he does.   
  
That lasts about 1.3 seconds before Gerard grabs his arm to pull him back.   
  
"It's not like that, Frankie. Please, just calm down. Please don't leave like this." Gerard pleads, his own eyes tearing up now, threatening to spill over. 

Frank should be over this, or, he should at least be able to pretend to be. He shouldn't be unburying all this history now. But the floodgates are open and his pride is already shot. He can't stop himself now. 

"I can't stay here and talk to you about how you're happier with someone else, especially when I know it's bullshit. You know, if you really had found someone to truly make you happy, it wouldn't hurt this much, but she treats you terribly. She doesn't deserve you. I know I don't either, but it just really hurts to see you with _her_. You don't understand!" 

A tear spills over the edge and rolls down Franks cheek. It breaks Gerard's heart. He keeps one hand on Frank's wrist, as if to make sure he doesn't walk away again, and uses the other to brush the tear away. His hand lingers on Frank's cheek as he just stares at him. There is so much behind that look. Sorrow, regret, lust. _Love_. It's still as strong and deep as it has always been. It takes Gerard's breath away for a moment.   
  
"I understand better than you think, Frankie. Of course you made me happy, when you were with me. But I always had to watch you go back to J. You know how much that hurt me? I knew you would never choose me. Why would you? It was always J for you. I never had a chance. So I tried to move on. Why am I the bad guy?" 

Gerard still doesn't sound accusatory. He sounds lost, like he's starting to doubt everything he's ever believed in.   
  
"Are you really that blind, Gerard? It was always YOU. Why do you think I never let you go? If I wanted J I had her. Why would I not let you go? Fuck! I wish it was her. That would have made it easy, but I had to fall in love with my best friend like a sucker." -- Frank is frantic, like he can't get the words out fast enough. --   
  
"I had to risk my career, and having a traditional family, and possibly burning in hell, all because I am so fucking in love with you! But you never wanted that. I could see it, Gee. You were scared. You wanted 'normal'. Well, you got it. I hope it's everything you wished for. I hope that ordinary is enough for you, even though you are anything but."  
  
Gerard's tears are spilling over now. He knows Frank is right, in a way. Gerard was scared, but he did want it. He wanted Frank, all the way, and now it's too late. And the thought is crushing him.  
  
"You married her, Frank!" Gerard accuses. "You can't tell me that I gave up on us when you are the one that put the nail in the coffin. I was fucking scared, you're right. That's because I loved you too much. Everything was at stake. You know how I let fear swallow me up. But you also know that I can beat it, especially with your help. I needed you to meet me half way, and instead you married someone else."   
  
Gerard is crying now, more than a tear or two. He could barely get the words out between his gasps for breath.   
  
"And you wanted normal too, Frank, don't put that just on me. You didn't let J go, either, because she was your normal. She was the easy path, and you took it. You could have fought for me - for _us_ " 

Gerard doesn't know what else to say, or why he allowed himself to pour his heart out like this at all. It's too late anyway. It doesn't matter whose fault it is now. All that matters is it's done.   
  
Frank is the one looking shocked now. He was so busy telling himself that Gerard didn't love him enough to fight for them that he stopped fighting for them too. He gave up. How could he just give up?   
  
The sick feeling is back and worse than ever. He could handle losing Gerard to someone else (eventually). He could, begrudgingly, handle Gerard breaking them up out of fear, but he can't handle knowing that it might have worked out of Frank had just tried harder. He can't know that and still think he made the right choice.   
  
"I'm sorry." is the only thing Frank can find the voice to say.   
  
"Gee, you're right. I fucked up. I'm sorry. You still fucked up too, but I forgive you. And there's so much more I could say, but it would just be too painful. What's the point? It's too late. But I'm sorry."  
  
"I'm sorry too, Frankie. For all of it. You know that right?" Gerard says.  
  
"I do now. I finally understand, or, I'm starting to. It's okay. We're going to be okay." Frank said.  
  
"Do you really believe that, Frank?" Gerard asks, sounding hopeless.   
  
"I hope so. We've always been able to get through anything. I have to believe that won't change now, even if this is the hardest thing we ever have to do."   
  
"How?" Gerard asks, still sounding like his only will to live has been ripped out of him.   
  
It hurts Frank to see him this way. Especially when he knows he's the cause. Or part of it, at least, the rest is waiting back "home", for Gerard, in LA. Frank doesn't want to think about that, though. He's the one that dragged all this pain out, so he needs to find a way to help them both get out from under it a bit.   
  
He realizes Gerard still has his arm, so he tries to make the mood lighter by making a joke of that. But he's not just talking about his arm when he says, with a forced laugh, "Well, first, you'll have to let me go."  
  
Gerard isn't just talking about Frank's arm, either, when he replies with, "I can't." 

**Author's Note:**

> I wish it didn't have to end like that, but I feel like it did. 
> 
> Again, any suggestions for improving are welcome and encouraged. Thanks for reading. :)


End file.
